Twilight

Twilight, the first in a four-book series by Stephanie Meyer, is the Romeo and Juliet for the tween generation.

Except, Romeo hates sunlight and must tame his desire to suck the blood of his Juliet. Talk about a compelling reason to stay abstinent.

On the movie screen, the love affair of Bella and Edward plays out, much like it did in the book. But those who aren't fans of the series won't become fans because of this movie.

The film, as directed by Catherine Hardwicke, gets the angst of teenage life, especially in Bella (played brilliantly by Kristen Stewart). As the movie begins, Bella moves from Arizona to a small town called Forks to be with her father, who also happens to be the sheriff.

She has no friends, she is awkward and given to fits of clumsiness. And worst of all, she gets a beat-up red pick-up truck to ride around in.

On her first day of class, she meets Edward Cullen, a pale-faced heartthrob who almost becomes sick at the sight of her. Not a good impression, but Bella finds herself both disgusted and drawn to the mystery man.

It certainly doesn't hurt that Edward saves her life in a way that physics just can't explain. By the time she discovers Edward's secret -- he's a vampire who prefers animal blood -- she is "unconditionally and irrevocably" in love with him.

This is where things get tricky. Maybe in the 600-plus page book the movie is based on, we can believe that real love exists between Edward and Bella. But not in a two hour movie do you fully believe it.

The tension comes in the desires of both being unfulfilled because Edward cannot risk hurting his love by loving her. He cannot lose control even though every bit of his body wants to. Their love is unrequited.

But the "bite me so I can be with you forever" is a bit much to take, and guys dragged to this movie by their girlfriends will have to sit through an hour and a half of this overwrought dialogue to get to any action. And unfortunately, the action sucks. The special effects are awful and cheesy beyond belief. No teeth are bared, and all we get is a bunch of flying vampires. What is this? Super Vampire.

Nothing in this movie made me curious about the books or made me interested in seeing the

sequel. Maybe this is because I am not a teenage girl all in love with the whole idea of Edward Cullen. Oh well. Forgive me.

But I like vampire movies, and this wasn't one of the best. Sorry. I need something to sink my teeth in.

Quantum of Solace

In Casino Royale, Daniel Craig gave James Bond something he had never had before -- edge, a smoldering rough, dare I say, thuggish quality missing in the more debonair, witty and smooth incarnations of Bonds past (i.e. Sean Connery).

And that edge is on full angry display in Quantum of Solace, an adrenaline-rush of a sequel that rarely stops for quiet introspection.

Not once does Bond say his signature line, "Bond, James Bond." He's way too busy going rogue, driving his boss, M (played by the always wonderful Judi Dench) crazy and killing people in awfully messy ways.

I was never much of a James Bond fan to begin with, but through Craig, we saw a James Bond that was more visceral and vulnerable, one who fell in love with a beautiful woman only to have her betray him and then die.

The new movie takes up where the last one left off, with Bond mourning the death of his lover, Vesper, and intently searching for her killer. What he discovers is a much greater conspiracy than he could have ever imagined, one that lurks in dark places.

At the center is Dominic Greene, a pseudo-environmentalist who is more interested in the kind of green that stacks. Joining Bond in his adventures is a different kind of Bond girl who, for a change, doesn't bed Bond because she's too focused on seeking revenge for the violent tragedies of her own life.

Marc Foster, the director of such moody pieces as Monster's Ball, gives us an action thriller with an actor's heart. He simply gives space for Craig to work.

Craig gives a muscular performance, both literally and figuratively, saying much in a simple look or gesture. And his scenes with M pop off the screen.

As a friend pointed out, this movie very much reminds one of the Bourne movies, very action packed with thrilling chases and bloody fist fights. I agree but I also think this movie continues an interesting reimagining of the Bond character.

Here, Bond has layers that we see peeled back. We see a heart beating behind the cold exterior. We discover glimpses of Bond's humanity that were hidden in other incarnations.

No, Quantum of Solace isn't nearly as good as Casino Royale, but it does very much leave you wanting to see what other secrets lie behind the seemingly inscrutable facade of 007.

Zach & Miri Make a Porno

In the mind of Kevin Smith, crude and sweet occupy the same space. His films reflect that. Look past the profanity of Dogma, and you will find a semi-serious meditation on religion and spirituality.

Chasing Amy, a testosterone-drenched film about a man who falls in love with a lesbian, has one of the most heart-felt and eloquent declarations of love (from Ben Affleck, no less) from a man to a woman I have heard in quite some time.

And here we have Zach & Miri Make a Porno, which sums up the plot pretty well.

Zach (Seth Rogen of Knocked Up fame) and Miri (Elizabeth Banks who plays Laura Bush in Oliver Stone's W.) are best friends with dead-end jobs who struggle to pay the bills. When their lights go out and the rent is due, they decide they're going to make a porno featuring the two of them having sex.

Yes, there's nudity and yes, there are crude jokes galore. And there are actual porno stars like Traci Lords, who can blow bubbles, just not from her mouth.

The real center of the story is Zach and Miri and how the simple act of sex changes their relationship forever.

This is a syrupy sweet love story about two friends discovering that they might be more suited as lovers. But the trip from friends to lovers is littered with scatological humor that is not meant to be heard or seen by the innocent. Hey, this is about making a porno and it is rated R for a reason.

Banks is the perfect straight woman, and Rogen plays the same lovable slacker he always seems to play in every movie, but you have to admit he is good at it.

The jokes fall flat in the beginning but build up steam throughout. And Smith's usual cast of characters join in on the fun, including Jason Mewes, who usually plays the Jay of Jay and Silent Bob but here plays Lester who has a certain talent that only fans of pornos can appreciate.

We all know what's going to happen at the end, but the sweetness at the end of this crude machine feels worth it.

And after enduring all of that trashy talk, you somehow come out of the movie smelling good. That's a talent Kevin Smith can be proud of.